Living Crohn's

He’s my seed. His mommy and daddy planted him 22 years ago in rich soil that was enriched with numerous nutrients that were meant to help him grow to be such a strong plant that would love for so many years. When he started to sprout he let his leaves extend. One day a young girl came and plucked him from his earth and have him to the sun. The sun made all the rules and determined which seeds got to grow and which ones had to pay for their wrong doings. This poor plant didn’t ask to be plucked. He was content and doing his part in the earth. Now he’s being forced into desert soil for punishment. Luckily, this plant has a sweet flower that donates her extra water to help him grow and be what his mommy and daddy wanted him to be. He didn’t ask for what was done to him. But he will make the most of it and one day let down his leaves again for all to see. But until then the flower will hold him up in the heat, determining not to let him wilt.

This is dedicated to my boyfriend who is awaiting his charges on a silly case given to him from a little girl who wasn’t able to take responsibility for her own choices and instead took down an innocent, sweethearted man. I love you baby. You will get through this. Remember: you did nothing wrong.

My boyfriend got sex back to back this morning, blow job at break and buffalo wild wings with me tonight. He’s spoiled.

And Ironically I Am Sick Today.

My crohns has come full circle. I hasn’t been able to eat, I’m in constant cramping or it’s like my stomach is tightening then aster a minute or so it loosens. I hasn’t felt like this in quite a while.

My boyfriend and I are trying to get in shape and be healthier. He doesn’t like vegetables or fruits but I got him to like pineapple and hour he tries what im making him today. It’s a pasta with olive oil and garlic sauce. Guess we will see if I’m a good cook..

I do love you, I always will. I don’t tell your secrets and I trust that everything you say to me is the truth. I don’t blame you for your past and I will stand by your choices to improving your future. I will support you in what you believe in and promise to never laugh or judge you in your clothing or accessories. And I promise to Always be faithful and honest each day I wake up breathing.

The thing is… The last few days, weeks, and months have been difficult to handle. And I do feel like I take it out on you. I am sorry for that. And the fact that you says it’s okay is upsetting. No one, no matter how big, small, mean, or irritating ever deserves to be treated the way I treat you when I am mad. I try to distance myself till I fix the problem but then you feel sad and ignored. Please learn to give me space. Everyone deals with things differently and I ask that you let me deal with the things I want to the way I want to.

I wish people would just see it from my perspective sometime

There is a hole in my heart that all the love I have for you is slowing seeping out of. I cannot repair the hole, I simply do not know how. I am sorry for letting the love flow out and get lost in the nothingness they call the world. Maybe someone will find the love and it will brighten their day like it once brightened mine. Now I sit here typing away feeling empty and distant. I do not wish to have the love back. I have lived without it once before and wasting my energy on trying to regain it back does not interest me. Sure I have spent some time trying to make myself happy in this relationship and in turn you happy as well. I do believe it is not happiness and love when you have to beg for what you want or “need”. The other person should know what the other person needs to survive and should provide it without be hounded to do so. I mean.. If they truly love the person they would put the effort foreword to create something spectacular through a couple and a bond. Sometimes a relationship is jumped into without realizing it, and sometimes they think they are made for each other when they really are not. It is hard to determine if you have done that in your relationship. Take for example mine. My boyfriend came out of tough relationship and I was there to pick up the pieces. But am I the girl for him? Or just a good friend you was in the wrong for taking advantage of him and making a relationship out of his heartbreak. Now I beg to be noticed with him and I ask that he pulls me aside for help or a question or to tell me something out of the ordinary. SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I am a clingy girl and he demands he likes that, but truly he has spent more time away from me talking about things that do not interest me then he does with me talking about nothing. And believe me, we talk about nothing a lot.

Him: how are you?

Me: good.

Him: Me too.

20 minutes later

Me: What are you doing?

Him: Nothing.

Me: Cool.

I think maybe this wasn’t meant to be. He smokes pot. I do not. He can do whatever he wants because he’s 21. I cannot because I am not 21. He dresses polar opposite of me and likes to still be in touch with his goofy side whereas I am mature and like to sit on the sidelines because I am usually left out. Then, get this, I am involved with someone and he sits across an entire restaurant ignores me. Fine, it was worth a shot making this work. 

My parents have taken away my phone and told me to find some other way to get a phone because “i was a naughty child”

I need some help on knowing what a prepaid phone is all about and what a tracfone is all about. 

I will send about 700 texts a month and not call all too often. I am only 17 so I cannot get my own contract through Verizon or anyone ( my last carrier ) and have $1000 so I can afford about anything, but cheep would be better I believe.

Please help me get some more information. Thanks.

crohns acting up. 

spending the day in the bathroom in sheer agony